They should really pass out barf bags in church
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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