It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize