I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
