I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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