Pappa wants mamma naked
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
