i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
