We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
