I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
