i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
