.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
