Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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