I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
