How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
