I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
