Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
