Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
