i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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