We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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