Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
