just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
