The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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