i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize