I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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