Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
