who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That accounts for only three of the penises
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
