I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
