I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
