My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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