I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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