I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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