is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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