Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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