I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
