We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
