I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
