my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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