found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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