He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
