I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
