Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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