Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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