There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
