The maid of honor just puked.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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