i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize