Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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