My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
