he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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