Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
