I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
