Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
