Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
