Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
