This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
