idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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