Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
