i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
