I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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