none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
