speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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