p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
