as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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