Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
