Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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