Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
