and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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