Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
