those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
