I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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