The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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