Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
