You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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