and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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