I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
