Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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