oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
