Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize